turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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