i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
