girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
