I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
