now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
