Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
