mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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