I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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