matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
