You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
