Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
