you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
