The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
