just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
