i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
