i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Two words: blizzard sex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
