is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
