im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
