The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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