i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
