The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
