I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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