Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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