This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
