My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
