these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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