I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
