it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
