I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
