I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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