I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
