this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
