I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
