what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
third nipple confirmed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
