i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
