I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
