My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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