I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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