I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
