the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think my moral compass just broke
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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