I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
