I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
