Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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