I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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