Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
