I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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