Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
