Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
