Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ladies don't puke and tell
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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