Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
